How Then Shall We Speak Up?

Can we make a judgment call without becoming judgmental?

In a society that ensures free speech for all, we often straddle between saying anything versus saying nothing. The former refers to people with glib tongues, uttering things thoughtlessly, gossiping or slandering others needlessly. The latter refers to people who prefer to mind their own business, retreating behind the banner that says, "I cannot impose my view on others."

Either extremes are unhelpful. On the one hand, loose tongues hurt people. One can claim the right to freedom of speech. Words that clearly defame another person can trigger legal actions. Others that infringe on the right and dignity of other people will raise the ire of the common folk. On the other hand, absolute silence emboldens the practice of evil. Edwin Burke has famously said, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

How do we arrive at a healthy position of necessary speaking without judging others unfairly? Is it really possible to totally not judge anybody, or anything at all? Honestly, making a conscious decision ourselves is already an act of judgment. When we say something is right or wrong, it is already a judgment call. In fact, not judging anything is in itself a judgment call to refuse to decide. In some cases, it is a cop-out option in the light of two equally difficult stands.

October is Anti-bullying month. Can we truly not make a judgment at all? Anyone who comes up in support of "Anti-bullying" actions, will they be accused of "imposing" their values on others who disagree? For that matter, whichever stand we take with regards to legalizing or banning marijuana is also a judgment call. The issue is not the stand, but the reasons behind why we take any such position.

• What is our basis of right and wrong?
• Making a decision is one thing. Is it possible to make a judgment call without being judgmental?
• Is there a way to hold our core beliefs without making it seem like we are imposing it on others?

When we misunderstand people, we risk misrepresenting them or their views. When we fail to consider others more important than ourselves, we elevate our self-importance. When we do not know the surrounding contexts or reasons, we are in danger of misjudging people for whatever decisions they have made. Misunderstandings can lead to people of both sides painting erroneous and even hurtful caricatures of each other. How then shall we speak up? 

The fact is this. All of us are judgmental. Some more, some less, but we all are. This is part of being human. We have to decide or discern, distinguish right from wrong, navigate our paths through tricky situations that require us to make frequent judgment calls. That said, judging people harshly is bad. Not judging at all is silly. Fair judgment is essential.

The following table is my personal paraphrase of Terry Cooper's list that contrasts "healthy judgment" and "judgmentalism." I find them very practical and helpful. Note that I have paraphrased a lot of them, and I take responsibility for the adaptation. The last part about prayer is my own contribution.

"Healthy Judgment"	"Judgmentalism"
CONCERN: Involves concern for others	Not concerned for others
TRUST: Trusts that others have a good motive, that people mean well	Claims to suspect other people's ulterior motives.
HUMBLE: Practises religious or moral values with humility, charity, and tolerance toward different views	Hold personal convictions but treat others with disrespect and intolerant behaviour
RESPECTFUL: Denounces ideas or behaviour, but respects the dignity of people	Denounce people without separating act from person
OPEN: Retains personal opinions, and remains open to different views.	Insists on absolute certainty without recognizing its limits or constraints.
THOUGHTFUL: Takes time to consider differences before coming to a well-thought out response.	Lets emotionally charged behaviour makes a summary judgment, especially based on superficial evidence.
ASSERTIVE: Shows courage to make a firm decision.	Shows fear of being wrong, and is unreflective, and shows lack of understanding of other viewpoints.
PRAYERFUL: As a Christian, I believe that being prayerful is key to learning to discerning the what, the when, the where, and the how to say or not to say certain things.	Prayerless persons tend to be susceptible to careless decisions.

[Adapted from Terry Cooper's "Seven Distinctions between Healthy Judgment and Judgmentalism" in Making Judgments Without Being Judgmental, IVP, 2006, p28]

Let us all learn to think well with regards to judging well. One more thing. In our world of ideas and free speech, Christians ought to be reminded of their calling to be peacemakers wherever they are. This calling is to be lived out, even when there is a risk of people judging us. We live under the Judgment of God. How then shall we speak up? Begin with any of the eight above.

conrade

Midweek Meditation: Restrain Me O Lord

Here is a touching prayer by Thomas Merton, on how he submits himself to God.

"My God, lock me in Your Will,
imprison me in Your Love and Your wisdom,
draw me to Yourself.
I will never do anything when the strongest reason for doing it
is only my own satisfaction.
I want Your Will and Your Love.
I give myself blindly to You.
I trust in You.
Do You really want me in solitude?
Then lead me there and purify the way of all my own will
and of all my own desires.
I trust in You blindly.
I will keep close to You whatever the darkness,
whatever my fears may be.
Lead me to do the things in Your own time
and in Your own way."
(Thomas Merton, Dialogues with Silence, San Francisco, HarperCollins, 2001, 43)

Amen.

BookPastor >> "There's More to Life Than Making a Living"

This book review was first published here on March 10th, 2010.

conrade

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Title: There's More to Life Than Making a Living
Author: Jack C McDowell
Published: NY: FaithWords, 2009.

Life is more than simply making a living. Many people will agree with it. Some people simply talk about it. Few however, go beyond just doing something about it. Jack McDowell lets his life speaks for itself through 6 principles honed from his experiences. They are:

THE SIX PRINCIPLES

1. First find your calling;
2. Second, always be learning from your experiences;
3. Acquire Habits that build character;
4. Discover the joy of generosity;
5. Build relationships for life;
6. Do not retire.

For McDowell, he begins at a tender young age of 13, with a prayer to God:

"Help me, dear Father in heaven, to find a significant purpose for my life." (xii)

Reflecting back, he was able to say:

"I believe many people find a purpose for their lives without finding significance. They master certain skills, apply them effectively, and perhaps reap a harvest of success. But in moments of quiet honesty, they have a nagging feeling of emptiness. Something is missing." (xvii)

McDowell first discovered his gift of fund-raising when he single handedly raised money for a small town, small club facility. From one opportunity to another, he was given bigger and bigger roles to raise funds for various causes. One of the biggest beneficiaries is the Salvation Army, where McDowell raises millions of dollars for the charity.

The First Three Foundational Principles
All of them have to do with self-identity, character formation and life long habits. One's calling is connected in 2 ways. Firstly, to discover one's unique gifts. Secondly, to use the gifts for the benefit of others. The second principle deals with the hard knocks of life. It is not all smooth sailing for McDowell. Yet, he possesses a special ability to learn from his mistakes and the bad news that comes upon him. With hard work and humility, he even has to re-set the 165 posts that were mistakenly placed. He learns stewardship as one of the byproducts of success. He learns even from unlikely sources, even from his boyhood 'antagonists.' He is able to learn from his mistakes because of his focus on building character rather than expecting comfort.

The Last Three Essentials
These final principles deal more with relationships and sustaining the process of partnering with others and sharing. True relationships are build when people partner and give to one another's needs. A generous heart is important. So is an ability to share successes. Never stop making friends and building each other up. Never retire.

My Comments
This is a book that tries to achieve multiple goals. It is a book about calling, about the importance of learning to discover one's own identity in God. It is a book about leadership, how leaders need to maintain a life of character and integrity. It is a book about looking out for others, and to care and share one's possessions with people around us. It is a book that urges readers not to retire from such work. A calling is never terminated when one leaves his or her job. It is always present. One finds his calling when talents and passions match opportunities to serve others. One's entire life is thus geared to fulfill this purpose. Jack McDowell has found his calling to help people through fund-raising, through sharing of his life experiences and through teaching and mentoring.

For the busy person, this book is a welcome read with its concise message and easy to understand applications. Filled with stories from McDowell's life, the book contains many practical tips on leadership. It encourages young readers to start living a life of significance now. Don't wait.

A simple and elegant book, with short chapters but long in applications. Great read from a humble man of faith.

This book is available at your favourite bookstores.

A FaithWords publisher Reviewer.

conrade

ABC of Modern Evangelism

It is no secret that secularism is rising in the Western hemisphere. The recent finding about the decline of Protestant attendance in churches only go to confirm this fact. Check out his report on studies down by the PEW Forum on Religion and Public Life. We have heard of all the negativity surrounding Church and religion. In fact, one of the surest ways to kill a conversation is to mention anything religious or church.

In such an environment, how can we ever reach out to people for Jesus? What ways can we fulfill the Great Commission? I think words like 'evangelism' can be more negatively perceived like people seeing Christians shoving their religion down the throats of unbelievers. People want to avoid any religious confrontation because they view Christians largely as hypocrites, insensitive, and arrogant people wanting to exert a form of religious superiority.

Let me suggest the following. I am not saying we stop all forms of evangelism. I am suggesting that we learn to relate more instead of trying to lock people into our views. Spend more time listening rather than talking at them. Learn to strike conversations rather than seek conversions. My personal motto is this: "Conversation is our responsibility. Conversion is God's responsibility." In other words, we do the talking, the sharing, and the relating. Let God do the changing. That said, I like to propose the ABC way of relating to people. It is something that we can all do, and it will certainly move Christianity a step in the positive direction for all.

A = Acknowledgement

Realize that we are not living in a land where Christianity is a majority religion anymore. Acknowledge that people are the same persons that Jesus has died for. We are all the same members of a race of people tainted by sin. We are all sinners. We all need help. There is no way we are superior to people we speak. We acknowledge the basic dignity of all people. For Christians, that must guide all our efforts to relate with people. Practise double vision. Firstly acknowledge people for who they are. Secondly, see them with eyes of Jesus, to see how Jesus sees them.

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." (Matthew 9:36)

If we can acknowledge them well, let us be like Christ, showing compassion on them, remembering that we too are needy people, desperate for grace.

B = Be with them / Be kind to them

If we read the gospels, we will see how frequent Jesus mingles with ordinary people. He goes to them, sees them for who they are, speaks with them, walks with them, and shows compassion on them. He heals. He teaches. He enjoys the time both in their houses as well as out in the open.

This world needs a little more kindness each day. In fact, if Christians focus purely on just being kind to one another, and to be kind to people around them, who would not accept them into their community? Kindness is the passport to any strange environment. Be kind. Be with people.

C = Care for them

Following being kind, compassion must lead to action. We cannot simply be stuck at acknowledgment or just talking. We need to move to care, to put our love into action. Pray for them privately. Relate to them publicly. Care for them openly. Is there anyone who will refuse care? If they do refuse, just accept that, and move to the next opportunity we have. In the field of care, there is always work to be done.

Evangelism is not a particularly difficult thing. More important than forcing any conversion is the act of building trust, and to speak an apt word when the opportunity arises. Perhaps, our acceptance of people, acknowledging them for who they are, being kind to them, and caring for them, will be a big step in seeding, sowing, watering, planting, and growing in relationships.


conrade

Stand Up Against Cyberbullying

Sad news. One more death due to online activities.

I remember as a young boy I enjoy playing football (or soccer in North American contexts). A few of us will come together to form two teams. Sometimes, it will be divided on the basis of class names. Other times, it will be based on ethnicity, nationality, or sometimes in random ways. We always have fun kicking the ball around, scoring goals, and cheering our own team. On one of those days, a tall bully a few grades older will invade the pitch, kick the ball far away, and taunt us little ones. We can do nothing about it. He is a mean bully.

I remember asking myself why such weirdos exist. Actually, weirdo is too nice a term. Why then do such nincompoops ever exist! Go pick on people your own size!

A) The New Media for Bullying: CyberBullying

Fast forward thirty years, and I see that bullying on the pitch has moved on to a new platform. The bullying is the same, but the medium has evolved from offline to the online world. With the ubiquitous Internet and social media, it has become very easy for all people to get onto the world wide wide at the click of a button. Software has become so easy to use, intuitive to understand, that young children are unwittingly putting numerous photos and their own personal information online for anyone to see. Friends see it. Teachers sometimes know it. Parents may even peek it. In such an open space, bullies lurk.

This week, one girl becomes a sad case of cyberbullying that begins with cyberstalking or online threats. Using her own photos against her, one anonymous guy threatens her with bullying. Last month, Amanda Todd, a teenager from Port Coquitlam, posted a video of her "hell," with music on the background and flipping little notes online, she described her journey of being bullied, humiliated, and ostracized, that led her to changing school, taking antidepressants, counseling, and even contemplating suicide. She even created a special video on cyberbullying. Two days ago, Amanda Todd was found dead in her home. She took her own life.

A Facebook page has been setup to remember Amanda Todd.

B) We Need To Stand Up Against All Bullying, Especially Cyberbullying

We need to stand up against cyberbullying. We need online vigilantes who are constantly on a lookout for any acts of bullying. Things like speaking out against bullying.

• The exerting the power of anonymity and using threats on vulnerable persons. (If you are man or woman enough, show yourself!)
• Unfair comments that are without base.
• Using someone's private information against that person. (Hello! What's private remains private.)
• Counter each act of bullying with warnings and advice. (Don't let the bullies steal all the limelight)

In an online world, rules remain the same in many ways. Behind every posting is not just a digital piece of data. It is a person. It is a person who deserves to be treated fairly and with dignity. Our likes or dislikes of that person do not necessarily define who or what that person is.

Jesus teaches us the golden rule of relationships.

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12)

You don't have to be a Church goer to practice it. You do not even need to profess your faith before you work it out. The teaching applies to all. After all, this helps us to be better people. Why not, folks?

C) We Are What We Feed

A story was told of an old man telling a story about human nature to his little grandson.

Grandpa: "You know, in every person, there are two animals inside, one gentle and the other ferocious."
Child: "Grandpa, what animals are they?"
Grandpa: "One is a lamb, and the other is a wolf."
Child: "Oh. Tell me who will win, grandpa?"
Grandpa: "The one we feed."

We are what we feed upon. William Butler Yates once said, "We had fed our hearts on fantasy, the heart's grown brutal from the fare." If we feed on fairy tales all the time, our perspective of life may take on similar expectations. Likewise, if we feed on violence and online activities that feed our fleshly desire for power and control, we will grow into people that mimics our online behavior.

In an age of social media, technology use is not going to go away anytime soon. It may never go away. What is needed now is to draw up rules of engagement. Better still, instill in people when they are young the right way to use technology. This is a task for all teachers, parents, leaders, and all who are concerned for the future of our nations.

conrade

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Links to Resources against Cyberbullying

• If in BC, call 1-800-SUICIDE or go to this website.
• Stop Cyberbullying (link)
• CBC article on cyberbullying (link)

Midweek Meditation - Recollection

One of the things that happens during meditative praying is recollection. We remember the past. We contemplate the words of Scripture of how the prophets and saints of old have encountered God. We recall the spiritual experiences of engaging God. Romano Guardini gives us this counsel with regards to recollection as the first step in prayer.

"Prayer must begin with this collectedness. As said before, it is not easy. How little of it we normally possess becomes painfully clear as soon as we make the first attempt. When we try to compose ourselves, unrest redoubles in intensity, not unlike the manner in which at night, when we try to sleep, cares of desires assail us with a force they do not possess during the day. When we want to be truly 'present' we feel how powerful are the voices trying to call us away. As soon as we try to be unified and obtain mastery over ourselves, we experience the full impact and meaning of distraction . . . Everything depends on this state of collectedness. No effort to obtain it is ever wasted. And even if the whole duration of our prayer should be applied to this end only, the time thus used would have been well employed. For collectedness itself is prayer.. . . Finally, if at first we achieve no more than the understanding of how much we lack in inner unity, something will have been gained, for in some way we would have made contact with that centre which knows no distraction." (Romano Guardini, quoted in Richard Foster's Sanctuary of the Soul, p61-2)

Pray with recollection.

conrade

A Moving Song: "Unreserved Love"

A group of us from Church are planning to sing this song during the Christmastide. It is a beautiful song called "Unreserved Love," a theme song that accompanies the moving film, "Miracle Box." It is a story of love that is unreservedly given away, a movie that describes self-sacrifice for the sake of others. Two doctors met and fell in love, one of them a cancer survivor. Against all odds, they got married, both completely aware that the cancer can always return. Before long, it did return. The husband died, but not without asking his wife to carry on living strong. For him. True enough, Hong Kong was gripped with the SARS crisis. Hundreds died. The female doctor, (Joanna Tse), took on the task with a single focus to find a cure. It was an inspirational but fatal decision that ultimately cost her life. The movie became one of the most inspiring movies ever to be made. The theme song essentially tells the whole story of unreserved love.

The original is in Cantonese, but has been since translated into Mandarin and English. I provide the clips and the links below.

1) "Unreserved Love" (Cantonese version - Samantha Lim Chi Mei)



2) Mandarin Version




3) English Version



conrade