Saturday, December 06, 2008

Corporate 'Wisdom' Tidbits

Here is some 'wisdom' for the workplace to help spread some cheer amid the gloomy climate. I got it from a friend's email to me. The one on Murphy's laws is available from many places, and placed here for your convenience.

Corporate Lesson #1 - (Crow & The Rabbit)
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him:"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow said:" Sure, why not?" So the rabbit sat and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared. It jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Corporate Lesson #2 - (Turkey & the Bull)
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I haven't got the energy."
The bull replied:"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings? They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of the dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally, after a fortnight, he perched proudly at the top of the tree. Soon, a farmer spotted and shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bulls..t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Murphy's Laws on Work (more corporate lessons
  1. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
  2. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  3. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
  4. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  5. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  6. Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
  7. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  8. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.
  9. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
  10. Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
  11. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.
  12. Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'
  13. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
  14. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
  15. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
  16. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
  17. The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.
  18. There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
  19. The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
  20. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
  21. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
  22. People are always available for work in the past tense.
  23. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  24. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
  25. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  26. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
  27. No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
  28. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, 'How would the Lone Ranger handle this?'
  29. The longer the title, the less important the job.
  30. Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
  31. An 'acceptable' level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
  32. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
  33. All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
  34. Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.



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