Midweek Meditation: EHC Principle 6 of 6

In Peter Scazzero's "The Emotionally Healthy Church," the sixth principle to cultivate emotional health is to learn to "Make Incarnation Your Model For Loving Well." It means learning to follow three dynamics of incarnation: entering another's world, holding on to yourself without losing yourself, hanging between the two worlds.

"Prior to his death, Roman Catholic priest Henri Nouwen articulated, I believe, the struggle for many of us who are responsible to lead and serve in God's church. One voice says to succeed and achieve. He taught at Notre Dame, Harvard, and Yale. He averaged writing more than a book a year. His speaking schedule and ministry constantly threatened to suffocate his suffering life. The other voice was God's, telling him he was unconditionally loved. He had nothing to prove. This voice told him the goal of ministry was to recognize the Lord's voice, his face, and his touch in every person he met. Only in the last ten years of his life, he said, did he truly listen to that second voice. With that ever-increasing demands on our busy lives, it is very difficult to hear that second voice." (Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Church, Zondervan, 2003, p177)

"Jesus listened; He was present, never in a rush or distracted." (p181)

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#5 - MAKE INCARNATION YOUR MODEL FOR LOVING WELL (1-Very / 2-Sometimes / 3-Not Sure / 4-Never)

1. I can regularly enter the lives of another person's world to connect with how they feel. (  )
2. People say that I am a responsive listener. (  )
3. I have a healthy sense of self and am in touch with my feelings. (  )
4. I can form deep relationships with people from all walks of life. (  )
5. I rarely judge others and often play the role of peacemaker. (  )
6. People know me as one who can suffer with those who suffer and rejoice with those who rejoice. (  )
7. I accept myself the way I am. (  )

Note that the lower your score, the better you are able to relate with others, self, and God.

conrade

Midweek Meditation: EHC Principal 5 of 6

In Peter Scazzero's "The Emotionally Healthy Church," the fifth principle to cultivate emotional health is to learn to embrace grieving and loss. It means learning to be compassionate, to grow through pain and mature through suffering.

"Forgiveness is not a quick process. I do not believe it is possible to truly forgive another person from the heart until we allow ourselves to feel the pain of what was lost. People who say it is simply an act of the will do not understand grieving." (Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Church, Zondervan, 2003, p157)

"Many of us have taken on our culture's pain-denying view of grieving. Perhaps the most popular way in our culture of not paying attention to our losses and pain is by medicating ourselves through an addiction. People use work, TV, drugs, alcohol, shopping or food binges, busyness, sexual escapades, unhealthy relational attachments, even serving others at church incessantly - anything to medicate the pain of life." (p161)

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#5 - EMBRACE GRIEVING AND LOSS (1-Very / 2-Sometimes / 3-Not Sure / 4-Never)

1. I readily admit my losses and disappointments. (  )
2. I usually reflect on what's wrong rather than pretend nothing is wrong. (  )
3. I take my time to grieve, just like David and Jesus. (  )
4. People in pain willingly come to me to share of their pain. (  )
5. I am able to cry and experience depression or sadness, explore the reasons behind it, and allow God to work through me. (  )
6. I regularly refrain from giving quick answers or solutions. (  )
7. I accept death and suffering as a part of life rather than questioning why all the time. (  )

Note that the lower your score, the better you are able to honestly deal with grief and loss.

conrade

Midweek Meditation: EHC Principle 4 of 6

In Peter Scazzero's "The Emotionally Healthy Church," the fourth principle to cultivate emotional health is to receive the gift of limits. It means being realistic about one's humanness and limitations.

"Emotionally healthy people understand the limits God has given them. They joyfully receive the one, two, seven, or ten talents God has so graciously distributed. As a result, they are not frenzied and covetous, trying to live a life God never intended. They are marked by contentment and joy." (Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Church, Zondervan, 2003, p132)

"No two lives are the same. We often compare our lives with the lives of others, trying to decide whether we are better or worse off, but such comparisons do not help us much. We have to live our life, not someone else's. We have to hold our own cup. We have to dare to say: 'This is my life, the life that is given to me, and it is this life that I have to live, as well as I can. My life is unique. Nobody else will ever live it. I have my own history, my own family, my own body, my own character, my own friends, my own way of thinking, speaking, and acting - yes, I have my own life to live. No one else has the same challenge. I am alone, because I am unique. Many people can help me live my life, but after all is said and done, I have to make my own life choices about how to live." (Henri Nouwen, Can You Drink the Cup?, Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria, 1996, p28)

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#4 - RECEIVE THE GIFT OF LIMITS (1-Very / 2-Sometimes / 3-Not Sure / 4-Never)

1. I don't usually try to do everything on my own or bite off more than I can manage. (  )
2. Can you easily say NO to others? (  )
3. You recognize whether you will be a help/hindrance. (  )
4. Do you know when to help and when you are unable to help? (  )
5. You have a good sense of your strengths and weaknesses. (  )
6. People say that you are good at balancing family, work, and other responsibilities. (  )
7. You regularly avoid false modesty. (  )

Note that the lower your score, the better you are able to honestly deal with your own brokenness and weakness, and not be afraid to admit you are very human.

conrade

Midweek Meditation: EHC Principle 3 of 6

In Peter Scazzero's "The Emotionally Healthy Church," the third principle to cultivate emotional health is to move away from "proud and defensive" behaviour toward a "broken and vulnerable" posture. Often, for those of us who are insecure, we either flee, take flight, or hide when we are criticized. We need a theology of weakness.

"Everyone is broken, damaged, cracked, and imperfect. It is a common thread of all humanity - even for those who deny its reality in their life." (Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Church, Zondervan, 2003, p114)

"When I attempt to exercise control and power, I have strayed from the embrace of the Father." (127)

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#3 - LIVE IN BROKENNESS AND VULNERABILITY (1-Very / 2-Sometimes / 3-Not Sure / 4-Never)

1. Do you find it easy to admit you're wrong and readily seek forgiveness? (  )
2. Are you free to speak about your shortcomings without fear? (  )
3. Are you approachable and not easily provoked? (  )
4. Do you easily give others the benefit of the doubt? (  )
5. Are you open for feedback, and willing to receive criticisms? (  )
6. Are you quick to listen, and slow to be critical of others? (  )
7. You are often ready to encourage rather than to put people down. (  )

Note that the lower your score, the better you are able to honestly deal with your own brokenness and weakness, and not be afraid to admit you are very human.

conrade

Midweek Meditation: EHC Principle 2 of 6

In Peter Scazzero's "The Emotionally Healthy Church," the second principle to cultivate emotional health is to learn to leave the past behind us, so that we could become the person we are created to be. The past can shape us or refine, but they do not define us.

"Events and people have impacted who I am today and will help me understand 'what makes me tick.'" (Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Church, Zondervan, 2003, p96)

"When I was young, I set out to change the world. When I grew older, I perceived that this was too ambitious so I set out to change my state. This, too, I realized as I grew older was too ambitious, so I set out to change my town. When I realized I could not even do this, I tried to change my family. Now as an old man, I know that I should have started by changing myself. If I had started with myself, maybe then I would have succeeded in changing my family, the town, or even the state - and who knows, maybe even the world." (Words of an old Hasidic rabbi)

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#2 - BREAK THE POWER OF THE PAST (1-Very / 2-Sometimes / 3-Not Sure / 4-Never)

1. Do you resolve conflicts in a charitable and respectful way? (  )
2. Are you willing to work through unresolved hurts and emotional wounds in the past? (  )
3. Are you able to give thanks for your past? (  )
4. Are you aware of healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with a troubled past? (  )
5. Do you need approval from others to feel good about yourself? (  )
6. Are you able to take responsibility for your own faults? (  )
7. Are you willing to discern the major influences of your past? (  )

Note that the lower your score, the better you are able to honestly deal with your past.

conrade

Midweek Meditation: EHC Principle 1 of 6

In Peter Scazzero's "The Emotionally Healthy Church," the first principle to cultivate emotional health is to learn to take a healthy and honest look inside ourselves. It is like a regular health checkup. It helps us develop a connection between our being and our doing; and how our activities are coherent with our motivations.

"Because of Christ's life, death, and resurrection for me, I can actually be free to be me. I can come out of hiding." (Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Church, Zondervan, 2003, p82)

Knowing that I stand before God as His beloved has freed me to explore some of the disturbing and dark aspects of who I am." (83)

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LOOK BENEATH THE SURFACE (1-Very / 2-Sometimes / 3-Not Sure / 4-Never)

1. How easy can you identify your own feelings? (  )
2. Are you willing to explore yourself deeper in areas you are afraid of? (  )
3. Are you comfortable in spending honest, quiet time with God? (  )
4. Are you able to share freely about yourself? (  )
5. How well do you deal with your own anger and frustrations? (  )
6. Can you be honest with others about your true feelings? (  )
7. Are you aware of yourself and knows the difference between self-awareness and "self-absorbed introspection"? (  )

Note that the lower your score, the better you are able to honestly deal with your inner person.

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Midweek Meditation: Emotional/Spiritual Health Inventory (1)

Starting this week and for the next 7 weeks, I will be posting snippets of an inventory list to help us note our personal emotional/spiritual health. The lists are adapted and where necessary, paraphrased from Peter Scazzero's "The Emotionally Healthy Church."

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THINKING ABOUT OUR OWN DISCIPLESHIP (1-Very / 2-Sometimes / 3-Not Sure / 4-Never)

1. How certain are you with regards to being a child of God? (  )
2. Are you able to worship God on your own? (  )
3. Do you do your Quiet Time regularly? (  )
4. Do you know your spiritual gifts and actively use them? (  )
5. Are you certain that your gifts, talents and possessions are God's providence and all belong to God? (  )
6. Are you participating actively with other believers in your community? (  )
7. Are you living as a 24x7 Christian? (  )

Note that the lower your score, the closer you are to a good discipleship model.

BookPastor >> "The Emotionally Healthy Church" (Peter Scazzero)

TITLE: The Emotionally Healthy Church, Expanded Edition: A Strategy for Discipleship That Actually Changes Lives
AUTHOR: Peter Scazzero
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2003, (226 pages).

This book is a needed emotional flu shot in preparation for any forms of ministry. Many well-intentioned individuals rush into ministry with big goals and impressive plans but inside them, their emotional tanks run dangerously low. What is needed is a good diagnosis, a healthy sense of mental awareness, and according to Scazzero, a "new paradigm of discipleship" via six principles.  In diagnosis, one needs to remember that emotional health is not any less important than spiritual health. Four levels of emotional maturity are described. The first is the "emotional infant" who need others to care for them, driven by need for instant gratification, and who are unaware of how others are hurt because of their behaviour. The second is "emotional children" who behaves well in good times, but throw tantrums in bad times. They are difficult to engage in good balanced discussions and tend to be one-sided. The third is "emotional adolescents" who know what are the right things to do but feels insecure when challenged. These people have trouble listening to others and tend to be defensive. The fourth level is the "emotional adult" who can love and respect others without becoming defensive, who knows themselves, and are ready to contribute to the general good of the community. This book is essentially about how one can move toward this fourth level.

Scazzero, founder of New Life Fellowship in Queens, NYC, proposes six principles on how to cultivate a healthy emotional church. This is simply because in the Church, far too much attention has been given to the spiritual and ignoring the importance of emotional which is a part of our whole being. For Jesus is both divine and human.