Three Faces of Masculine Pride

Men often have a peculiar problem. Pride. Pride is one of the famous set (or infamous?) seven deadly sins. According to A.W. Tozer, in one of his best known works, The Pursuit of God, pride is a "burden," that sets ourselves up as "a little god." How are we consciously or unconsciously setting ourselves up? There are three ways that many men have adopted. Firstly there is the self-independent, "I can fix everything," mindset that refuses to ask for help even under the most dire circumstances. Secondly, it is the control freak, who basically becomes utterly restless when things are beyond his control. Thirdly, there is the self-justifying righteous person.

A) Mr Fix-It: "I Don't Need Help."

Men who have traveled with their lady companions will be familiar with this. When it comes to asking for directions, men simply don't. Whether it is a masculine factor, or a sign of being independent, I am not sure. The fact is, men simply are not oriented toward asking for help. They will always tend to want to fix it first. I remember traveling with my wife on a holiday trip on a self-guided tour. We were driving on a country hillside. After several miles of not seeing any signs pointing to our destination, my wife will start questioning.  Are we in the right direction? Have we missed a turn? Why is it so long? Of course, the question that most men hate: "Why don't you pull over to ask for directions?"

Like a macho man from Mars, I will continue driving as if I have been there. Asking for help? No way. There is no problem in the first place. As the incident goes, after driving more miles and not seeing anything helpful, I will grudgingly pull into a gas station and drag myself to speak to the gas attendant.

Thought: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less." (C.S. Lewis)

B) Mr Control Freak: "Don't Control Me. I Control You."

There are many things I like to be doing myself. From fixing the light bulb or the computer, to searching for a place when driving, I like to do things independently. When things are fixed according to my way, I feel good. I feel proud. I feel I am in control. Yet, when things spiral out of control, I feel lousy. It hits me hard, especially my pride.

Sometimes, in organizations we work in, there are bosses who seem to want to know everything we do. My colleagues frequently call it "micro-management," where every little detail needs to be reported up to the bossy guy up there. The moment we fail to meet his high demand for control, we will be in trouble. We hurt his pride. He hurts our pay.

One common example of pride is when someone overtakes us on the wrong side when we are driving. More often than not, if it is a male driver, there is a good chance he gets upset.  The desire to want to be in control comes across in very subtle ways. It is not the incident per se, but our responses to the offending act that reveals how prideful we are.

Thought: "The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones." (Gabirol)

C) Mr Self-Justifying: "I am Right."

In discussions with men, I have encountered many situations in which a vigorous debate turns ugly. Refusing to concede their positions, sometimes, people resort to ridiculing each other just to make their positions superior. While accusations fly quickly, once the truth is revealed, more often than not, the party in error takes a while to admit his fault. This is intriguing. Why is this so? Why do men find it so difficult to say sorry? Perhaps, that has to do with the inability to swallow one's pride. The Scriptures say, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6b).

Thought: "The meek man will attain a place of soul rest. As he walks on in meekness he will be happy to let God defend him. The old struggle to defend himself is over. He has found the peace which meekness brings." (A.W. Tozer)

Indeed, one of the paradoxes of life is this. A proud man thinks he is humble, but the humble man thinks he is proud. Beware of the above three faces. They can actually be efforts to turn ourselves into little gods.



conrade

Holiness is not an Option

As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:14-16)

One of the struggles in which many churches encounter is that there is a lack of evangelistic zeal or earnest outreach. This is especially so for those of us who have been Christians a long time. In some ways, the very secular society and expectations of non-religious talk have caged us into silence. In other ways, people have dabbled in worldliness so much that they are more often than not, "Christian" by name only. What if, the problem lies not in the secularism around us, or the worldliness all over us? What if the problem is something more internal? A lack of holiness.

Dr J.I. Packer in his book Rediscovering Holiness, makes three observations about why holiness is missing in the modern Church or Christian lives nowadays.

1. There is a lack of teaching and preaching on holiness. 
2. We have not insisted upon holiness on our leaders. 
3. We fail to address the need for personal holiness. 

After commenting about how many Christians of old place such heavy emphasis on holiness, Packer laments the modern state of worldliness. He writes:

 "The Puritans insisted that all life and relationships must become 'holiness unto the Lord." . . . . . But how different it is today! To listen to our sermons and to read the books we write for each other and then to watch the zany, worldly, quarrelsome way we behave as Christian people, you would never imagine that once the highway of holiness was clearly marked out for Bible believers. " (J.I.Packer, Rediscovering Holiness, Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 2009, p12-3) 

I wonder what will happen if Christians, instead of worrying about sharing the gospel, start LIVING the gospel. Through honest living. Through purity of thought and word. Through holiness that starts from the inside out. Once holiness takes shape inside us, perhaps, others around us will sit up and take note. How do we do that? Packer recommends the following:

1. Serve one another, especially the least attractive among us.
2. What we do for others is a test of our love for God. 
3. Think of holiness often, as we work and serve. 
4. See negative circumstances as opportunities to learn.
5. Even when we do not understand, continue to do good and to trust God. 

Holiness is not an option. It is a calling, a duty, and an expression of love to God. Let us not be Christians by name, but people of holiness in our words and in our works. Be holy in ALL we do. It is a biblical imperative, not an option. I echo Major Allistaire Smith's words about the call for Christians to be holy. There will then be a revival. Holiness may very well be the gospel's most powerful witness.



conrade 

"Where is God when it hurts?" - 3 Responses

One of the biggest struggles people of faith have is to reconcile God's goodness with the evil and suffering they see each day. Simply put, if God is a good Creator who creates all good, then why is there evil in the world? If God creates everything, isn't it true that evil is also created by God? While philosophers ponder about the problem of evil, people who suffer from evil under the sun often ask: "Where is God when it hurts?"

There are at least three ways to approach this question. The first counters the question with another question. The second does not even bother to ask the question, but rally around the people in pain. It defaults to simply trusting God to reveal answers in God's perfect time.

A) "Where is the Church when it hurts?"

This is Philip Yancey's approach when he was asked the same question following the Virginia Tech University gun massacre back in April 2007. The main point is to refocus the question back to the person asking the question. Philosophers tend to treat the problem of evil from a distant perspective, bringing forth all kinds of arguments for or against any type of answers. We are not able to speak for God for things we do not understand. The best way for us on earth is to learn to comfort, to walk with, and to understand as best as we can, the suffering our friends or loved ones are going through. The Church is called to do this. In the beatitude, it says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). God often use people of faith to comfort people in their communities. In the age of the Internet, this ability to comfort can reach a great distance. A warm assuring hug is far better than a good intellectual answer.

B) A Band-Aid Community, Not Questions and Answers

This approach is practised by the Amish people. In the aftermath of the horrible killings of four young Amish girls, the rest of the world watched in bewilderment to see how the Amish community banded together without even bothering to ask the question about "Where is God?" Instead, they already knew where God is, and their focus was on healing, on recovery, on forgiveness, and on adopting a fear of God first. Yancey notes:

"They knew where God was. With their long history of persecution, the Amish were not for an instant surprised by another horrifying outbreak of evil. They rallied around, ministered to one another, and even embraced the killer's family. In sum, they healed wounds by relying on a sense of community that had solidified over centuries." (Philip Yancey, What Good is God?, New York, NY: Faithwords, 33)

In the absence of questions or answers, the Amish people simply provide a Ministry of Presence. True healing needs a community who can be present, when the need arises.

C) God the Most Perfect Comforter

God is there in the pain. God is there in the suffering. God is with each of us where we are. He is not the instigator of evil. Suffering in itself is a mystery. We can try to explain it, but we will always come up short. In times of pain and suffering, asking philosophical questions are not only mind-boggling, it is unhelpful. Better to put our faith and trust in God, who spared not His own Son, but allowed His Son to die on the Cross. Think about it. A sinless man. A blameless man. An innocent man, purest of the pure, fairest of the fair. Yet He suffered unjustly, died cruelly, and buried unceremoniously. This is God who understands to the core of our being what it means to suffer. It is because God understands perfectly, we can trust Him.

May the Lord guide us when and how to adopt a ministry of presence, of comfort, and of trust.

conrade

BookPastor >> "Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites"

Beginning June 2012, I will be retiring "A Bookworm Pastor Recommends___" blog. All book recommendations for the week will be consolidated onto this blog. These posts will be labeled "bookpastor." So remember. Every Monday, one book will be recommended for the reading public.

This book review below was first published at Amazon.com here.

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TITLE: Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites...and Other Lies You've Been Told: A Sociologist Shatters Myths From the Secular and Christian Media


AUTHOR:Bradley R. E. Wright
PUBLISHER: Bethany House Publishers, 2010, (249 pages).




There are three kinds of negative commentators on the Christian scene; the destructive, the constructive, and the misguided. The first kind is the destructive die-hard Church basher. For such people, any reason is good reason enough instill sarcasm on anything Christian. The second kind tries to see some good out of bad news. Such a person will try to see some positive learning from a gloomy report. The third kind is the person making erroneous conclusions based on half-baked information.



This book speaks specifically for this third group of people. The title of the book captures the sarcasm well: "Christians are Hate-Filled Hypocrites." Using a double negative, the statement describes Christians not only as 'hate-filled' but 'hypocrites' as well. Like in Maths, the product of a double negative makes a positive. The second part of the title spells out the thesis of the book even clearer: " . . . and other lies you've been told."



Bradley Wright gives the Christian public some optimism amid the overwhelmingly negative perceptions in the public square. He unmasks some of the supposedly innocent statistics to reveal that they are often not true. More often than not, the problem lies not in the reading out from the statistics, but a reading INTO the statistics the commonly held perceptions. Wright describes 4 dangers in any forms of negative data.



1) Christians create unnecessary problems when they over-emphasize negative statistics. It demoralizes the Church in an unhelpful manner.

2) Bad news about the Church diminishes passions in evangelism.

3) Bad news distracts, but erroneous bad news distracts even more

4) Using fear as a motivational tool is unhelpful in the long run.



The author's conviction is that many of the negative statistics are downright inaccurate, and lacks proper understanding of the contexts and history. He then hones into 7 big myths (lies) and attempts to make some sense of the reasons for the erroneous interpretations.



Finally, based on his 'corrections' of the data sets, he gives a report card to highlight the strengths and weaknesses of the church. Unfortunately, this final chapter does not appear to be statistically based, which makes me suspect that it is simply a summation of the author's convictions. In other words, the report card tends to be a subjective one.



That said, the best part of the book is the 5-point Caveat Lector. Christians need to question the accuracy of any statistic, question the motives of the reporters, be ready to disagree with their conclusions, judge any experience not on some distant event but on local experience, and finally to use fairness as a judge, and not any biased ideas.



Statistics are not what they seem. This book shows us why.



conrade

Marriage Over the Years

This video is absolutely hilarious. It reminds me of how marriage relationships change over time. In this clip, you can see how the marriage looks like after 1 year, after 5 years, and after more than 15 years.

conrade

Do You Crave God?

In Lysa Terkeurst's 21-day devotional challenge called, "Craving God," Terkeurst begins with a confession about her obsession with food. She writes, "Eating in its proper context is not the problem. God gives us food for nourishment, strength, and even celebration. But when pleasure becomes unrestrained, there's a problem."

When we face a stressful situation, what is our default position when it comes to rest or relief? When we are depressed, some go on a stress relief break like a holiday, or an exercise regimen. Others watch movies, play computer games, or simply take a nap. For Terkeurst, she finds her relief in food. As a Bible teacher herself, she notices her tendency to indulge in food like chocolates and cookies. She writes, "I craved food more than I craved God. Chocolate was my comfort and deliverer. Cookies were my reward. Salty chips were my joy. Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness, and even in times of happiness."

I think about the word "crave" and I wonder about our ways in which we gravitate toward God. I think about the punctuality problem in many churches. A friend of mine has been telling me that the problem is a lack of hunger. In a large way, I agree. Hungry people will rush to address their hunger pangs. Hungry people queue up for food. Hungry people crave. What about spiritual craving? Are we craving for God? Those of us long time Christians will be guilty of taking our God for granted. We presume that every Sunday is simply a day to "go to church" and "go through the motions." Is that really worship?

No. Worship on Sundays is basically a matter of letting our spiritual cravings rest in God. The great Saint Augustine confesses that, “Lord, you have made us for yourself and our hearts are restless till they rest in Thee.” If we do not let our hunger be met by the true Source of fulfilment, we will be like the sea that is constantly filled but never truly full. We can try to meet our needs but our needs will never be truly met. We will attempt to be good Christians not on God's strength but on our own strengths.

I wonder. Instead of simply obeying rules about punctuality, that seems more like a "stick" approach, why not adopt a deep craving for God, that will be more like a "carrot" approach.  Maybe, both approaches are necessary. When we are at an undisciplined moment, let the "stick" approach keep us in check. At all other times, let our craving for God be demonstrated through our punctuality, our devotion, and above all, our love for God.

THOUGHT: "What is our default position when we are depressed, down and out? Do we crave for food or for God?"

conrade

Do Not Hurry

Spirituality is a lot like gardening. We can sow seeds. We can plant them.  We can water them, even prune them. Yet, there is one thing we cannot do, rush or grow them.  Farmers are conscious of the weather changes. If there is too much sun and no rain, their crops will be dried out. If there is too much rain and no sunshine, their produce will be washed out. As much as we cannot control external factors like weather changes, we too cannot control internal growth of plants.

My little plant. Growing slowly but surely.

In the age of the Internet, a 24x7 world, as a quick-fix society accelerates toward a frenetic "quickest-fix-wins" race, it is easy for Christians to be sucked in this race of hurrying toward the latest and the greatest gizmos for ministry work.

• Make sure your Church has a Facebook page or a Twitter account;
• Get your leaders on the social media world
• Publicize your Church widely through all kinds of media
• Communicate rapidly
• ....

The list goes on. Is digital spirituality the way forward for the Church? Will greater online involvement result in more meaningful connections? My feel is that, these things help but they do not replace the need for personal interactions. One thing remains true. Pastoral care and spirituality is like gardening. We cannot rush it. We cannot hurry growth. We can only cultivate patiently and wait earnestly. Don't be distracted by the gizmos of this world. Be focused on God. Ask God to speak to us in the quietness of our souls amid the noises around us. Pastors are gardeners and are called to be active participants in the gardening of the soul.


This video clip by Eugene Peterson is worth watching. It reminds us that pastors have a tremendous advantage over TV, Internet, technological gadgets of this age. This is because while technology provide avenues for digital connections, pastors have the opportunities to make meaningful human connections from day to day.


 

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:30-31)

conrade